Daily Tweet

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Underdog
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Postby Underdog » Sat Sep 28, 2019 1:04 pm

If anybody leaves you hanging when you want to high five them, just slap them on top of the head. They will only leave you hanging once.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks." I said, "Don't mention it."
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Postby Underdog » Sun Sep 29, 2019 12:58 pm

There's a debate thing called "whataboutism" that I'm trying to figure out. It's looked down on as an illegitimate observation. It seems to me that "whataboutism" is simply pointing out hypocrisy. Sort of a modern "Physician heal thyself" kind of thing. I don't have a problem with it.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks." I said, "Don't mention it."
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Postby Underdog » Thu Oct 03, 2019 8:56 pm

Million Dollar Idea: A perfectly weighted foam that you put in the coffee cups of actors on shows so that it doesn't totally distract viewers when they try to carry around or set an empty coffee cup on a surface.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks." I said, "Don't mention it."
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Underdog
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Postby Underdog » Fri Oct 04, 2019 3:59 pm

I was told as a child not to eat before dinner as it would spoil my appetite. Eating dinner spoiled my appetite. I thought that was the point.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks." I said, "Don't mention it."
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Postby Underdog » Mon Oct 07, 2019 11:50 am

Heard a funny insult today, "The only way you could be dumber is if you had a bigger head."... You're welcome.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks." I said, "Don't mention it."
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Postby Underdog » Tue Oct 08, 2019 3:56 pm

My wife took off her shoes about the same time as when I pooted. She said, "Eew", and thought that she was smelling her feet. Being the good husband I confessed and she said, "Good". I said, "Oh, I wasn't expecting that reaction, I'll do it again." She laughed and said she didn't want me to. Just then 'Annihilation' was starting on the TV and the first line in the movie is, "What did you eat?" She laughs much harder then, way much harder. Too hard. I guess it didn't help that the ones asking what I ate were wearing hazmat suits.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks." I said, "Don't mention it."
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Postby Underdog » Wed Oct 09, 2019 9:12 am

I always thought that Aware Wolf was a superhero wolf that understood that taxation was theft.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks." I said, "Don't mention it."
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Postby Underdog » Fri Oct 11, 2019 12:07 am

Million Dollar Idea: Tell people that you will look through their house and find all of their lost pens, pencils, markers and highlighters and sell them back to them at half price.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks." I said, "Don't mention it."
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Postby Underdog » Sat Oct 12, 2019 4:21 pm

My son got his 5-year pin... oops, not from AA... five years of sea-time in The Coast Guard. A previous 5-year Coastie gave him her pin as a tradition. I like that feeling of continuity and history. She had received it from someone else and bequeathed it to my son.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks." I said, "Don't mention it."
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Underdog
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Postby Underdog » Sun Oct 13, 2019 4:02 pm

Had a conversation with my brain...

Me: Hey Brain, I want you to hold onto something for me.
Brain: What is it?
Me: It's an idea.
Brain: Oooh, I like that idea, I'll hang onto it for you.

*Later that same day*

Me: Hey Brain, where's my idea?
Brain: I threw it away.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks." I said, "Don't mention it."

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