Been trying to think of things that you can use without touching them. So far I've got mirrors and decorations. I think the remote is part of the TV. Maybe my fire extinguisher, I don't know, never needed it. I wouldn't know how to use it, so maybe it counts.

I accidentally bought whole wheat Ritz crackers instead of the regular kind. That's how they get you. The packaging is just too similar. All it would take is for the cashier to ask if you really want the purchase. Where is government intervention when you need it?

We show pictures and it's like, "This is your great uncle Alex on the day he left to fly in The Air Force during WWII." 50 years from now there will be grandmothers showing pictures to their grandkids. "These are grilled fajitas I ate at Rosario's Restaurant. That's downtown in San An...

Ears are just mouths that eat sound.

It's funny how other countries throw smatterings of English into their language. It's like they think they have carte blanche with our words.

I'm just glad I'm living long enough to see those good looking young people who replaced us as the hot ones, worry about growing old.

When are you going to deputize us to run those spammers out of town? Texans are pretty good at frontier justice.

Am I the only one who thinks Underdog is busy trying to perfect the recipe? :D :cry: :zzz: Thanks for thinking about me, but actually I'm having to develop more healthy menus. Working on perfecting rice. Although if you don't want to worry about having high blood pressure at the doctor's, just don'...

Bacon is getting greasier, but fortunately paper towels are getting less absorbent.

Just Sick , huh? :freakout: Don't think that I let that "paperhanger" crack slip by. It's "fabric installer". At first I think I'm at death's knell My brain causes symptoms to quell My health I distrust As feelings adjust And I only think that I'm well You'd think he'd be full o...