Top 10 List - Worst Christmas Presents
 Jan 9, 2018

There are loads of presents people would prefer not to get. Dad with his 563rd tie, junior with underwear, anybody with a Fruit Cake.

For this contest we want the top 10 list of things that NOBODY in their right mind wants. As with all top ten lists, start with 10 and end with 1, with the most outrageously bad items at the end.

Hit List: Anything Political. We want to make this at least a little challenging

Contest Rules
* Entry Fee: Free
* Prize: Beginner Trophy
* Level: Advanced (so everybody can play)
* Character Limits: Up to 500 words
* Submit period: 9 days
* Voting period: 3 days
* All regular Writing Deck Rules apply.
* Multiple entries are allowed in this contest.

Thanks to Manosart for supplying our themepost!

10. All expenses paid trip to Flint, Michigan
9. Case of Smirnoff Fluffed Marshmallow vodka
8. Christmas visit from my ex (any of them)
7. Hallmark Channel cable package
6. Poo-Dough (google it)
5. Crocs
4. Gym membership
3. Visit from my bookie's collection department
2. Million mile warranty for my Pontiac Aztec or any kind of credit repair, so stop calling
1. Leprosy
2nd place

A Xmas list from Master Nobody...

I wish with all my heart to get some very well trained fleas.
I'd also like, if possible, a buzzing hive of bees.

Next on my list are termites in rotted chunks of wood.
I'd like unique ones, very brightly coloured if you could.

A nest of ants, those red ones which have painful stinging bites.
Varieties of cockroaches. Large families of mites.

Bed bugs. Creepy crawlies. Mozzies. Nits and gnats.
They're for a magic potion to get rid of excess fat.

It may seem a strange request for many teeny tiny pets
but I am sure those bugs will help a lot to get me out of debts.

To make a million is the plan so I am quite determined
to have a mini wrestling match with very tiny vermin.

Please also send some oil that is extracted from a snake.
That magic stuff is widely known to cure a belly ache.

I also need some light bulbs to inspire more bright ideas
so I have lots more options and don't end up in tears.

Please hurry with the order and be fast with the dispatch.
Especially those light bulbs in case I need to start from scratch.
3rd place

10. A tin cup from your boss, with card stating he hopes this will come in handy while waiting for new employment.

9. A notice from the draft board, that the draft has been re-established, and you have the honor of being number one.

8. An eviction notice by the state, because your property is more valuable to the city as a future parking garage.

7. A bike from your car insurance company, as a gift for so many accident free years, and because they are canceling your coverage due to your age.

6. A paternity warrant (gifted by ex-mistress).

5. A business card for a first-rate detective (gifted by friend).

4. A business card for a third-rate divorce lawyer (gifted by spouse).

3. A file-filled fruitcake (gifted by your mother-in-law).

2. A ball of string and scissors (no name on the card), so you will always have a way to remember important things.

1. A very large box containing only a lot of packing material (because there’s nothing worse than digging through all that stuff and finding nothing).

10. Dad's underwear that he used to wear when he was your age

9. An ugly sweater worn for decades but has never even been through the wash

8. Jammies that make you feel even worse than Ralphie from A Christmas Story did

7. A teddy bear that you swear is possessed and was scrounged out of an old landfill

6. A toy that's actually a small part of a whole kit that costs an arm and a leg

5. Burnt roadkill à la mode, whipped up by the worst cook in the family

4. Grandpa's false teeth (that he'd lost for months)

3. A computer loaded with tons of viruses and pornographic files

2. Any electronic device that you can't even buy batteries for

And the number 1 Worst Christmas Present is...

Your favorite movie... only for it to be a pirated copy confiscated by the FBI

10 The complete Ukulele Works of Tiny Tim with bonus life sized cardboard replica of Tiny

9 One pound of cat poop coffee beans (It exists – it costs over $100 a pound)

8 A Petrified Fruit Cake (which also really exists)

7 The largest ball of twine in Minnesota (song by Weird Al, it doesn’t actually exist… BUT the larges ball of twine in Kansas does –it’s one of the 8 wonders of Kansas. I don’t think I want to know what the other seven are.)

6 Glow in the dark Naughty Santa Christmas Tie

5 Matching Sweater for #6

4 The “Everything you wanted to know about the Kardashian Family” 3 volume book set

3 My Little Pony Barf Play Set

2 Heaven’s Gate Follow the Spaceship Brand Grape drink

1 Ptomaine Tom’s Beef Stew