Song Parody
9
 Feb 20, 2017
Rules


Well Weird Al has made a living of it, and Spike Jones before him, so apparently it's a talent worth having.

What talent? Writing a song parody.

Take any well known (or semi-well known) song, and mangle it. Since there is not music being played with your lyrics, it would probably be a good idea to list the song and artist you are parodying.

Hit List: References to Dagger Bay or its members. Simply because that has already been done ;)


Contest Rules
* Entry Fee: Free
* Prize: Beginner Trophy
* Level: Advanced (so everybody can play)
* Character Limits: One song, however long it takes (Probably around 200 words, but there are no constraints)
* Submit period: 17 days
* Voting period: 2 days
* All regular Writing Deck Rules apply.
* Multiple entries are allowed in this contest.

Thanks to philcheese for supplying our themepost!
1st place
  7.887

To Blondie's, "Heart of Glass"

Once I had a Ford and it was a gas
Soon turned out a pain in the ass
Seemed like a good thing, only to find
Pile of rust, Fords, like cheap wine

Once I had a Ford and it was divine
Soon found out I was losing my mind
It seemed like the real thing but I was so blind
Pile of rust, Fords, like cheap wine

In between
What I find is displeasing and you're out of line
Ford is so abusing there's no peace of mind
If I see I'm losing you it's just no good
Breaking down like you do

Once I had a Ford and it was a junk
Soon turned out I was left in a funk
Seemed like the real thing, only to find
Pile of rust, must have been blind

Lost inside
Abhorable delusion and I cannot hide
I'm the one you're bruising, please don't push me inside
We shoulda made it cruisin', yeah

Yeah, riding high on Ford's true bluish light

In between
What I find is displeasing and you're out of line
Ford is so abusing there's no peace of mind
If I see I'm losing you it's just no good
Breaking down like you do

Parody of "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing" - The Seekers

I'd like to make the world some pants
And fill them full of ants
Grow poison trees and killer bees
And put it in a trance

I'd like to teach the world to sting
But most importantly
I'd like to squeeze it in my arms
To crack it's big fat neck

I'd like to strike the world a pie
To push right in its face
And hear it scream, in gluttony
Chocolate caramel mace!

(That's the sting that I feel)

Let the world sting today - ohhh yeaaaaaaah

I'd like to teach the world to sting
Imperfect agony
3rd place
  7.571

Here's the link to the Natasha Bedingfield song "Unwritten":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7k0a5hYnSI


I Am A Kitten

I am a kitten
I'll be a cat
Imagine that
I'm so annoying
Your life is so bland
I'll lend a hand

Daring you to leave out some fish stew
Watching as you play Nintendo
Though the toys you buy so cheery bright, I am color blind

Breaching the boxes with persistence
And a moth so close I chased it
Affection with conditions
Squeal with pain once again
Rocking chairs are looking for you
Look a shoe I can fit in
Leather belts, leather belts
They smell just like chicken strips
Not concerned if I'm housebroken
Notice please which way you're strokin'
That's my fur... not your own skin

Take note I'm just a kitten

Oh oh oh,

I've no contrition
I live nine lives, with no guidelines
It is my mission, to give you headaches
You don't want me to spray

Herring is the meal I'll come home to
Hate canned food but you know that though
When you put it on the plate, it wastes your time/I don't mind

Teaching me about coexistence
Save your breath you don't want to waste it
Black cats bring superstitions
Please explain now and then
As you leave, I have to make do
Makes me take it on the chin
Catnip helps, catnip helps
When you go, APOCOLYPSE!
Couldn't be much more outspoken
In a sink that you put soap in
Bath time is... where enjoyment ends...

Remember I'm a kitten.

Glaring at the fish tank before me
Wondering why it's not my sushi
I could hunt outdoors if I weren't so inside and confined

Screeching, for reasons with insistence
Lost my toy 'cause I misplaced it

Won't go to the physician!


Seal the snacks once again
No one else can seal it for you
They get stale if air gets in

Broke the shelf! Broke the shelf!

I sneak out the fish and chips

I'm not all that touchy feely
What I am is scratchy bleedy

Today is when you forgive sins
Peel the couch of its skin
No one else sharpens claws for you
Ornaments that you brought in
Christmas bells Christmas bells
When I jump sometimes I slip

I'm outside, the door was open
Brings to you so much emotion

Boldly scratch on someone's shin

You know I'm just a kitten

Just a little kitten




.

to the tune of "Don't Have to Live Like a Refuge" - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

You had money in your pocket, not doubt about it
So you went on the town, to a night club, to flout it,
Hey, you decided you don’t like the band,
But we don’t care, isn’t that grand?

Cause you all ready paid us the cover charge
Already paid us the cover charge
Yeah you all ready paid us the cover charge
Already paid us the cover charge

You were expecting some Punk Rock, we’re doing Weird Al
You say you want your money back, we don’t care pal
You’ve heard music, we know you have ears
You get no money back, don’t bore us to tears

Cause you all ready paid us the cover charge
Already paid us the cover charge
Yeah you all ready paid us the cover charge
Already paid us the cover charge

Buddy, you ain’t the first
You got a sad tale, you know we’ve heard worse
The drinks are watered down
The food is perverse

The lighting sucks, the sound system is sad
And the pyrotechnics just set fire to your thinkpad
You’re looking for the exit, you know you’re been had
Hey, it don’t make no difference to us
Get out of here, go find a bus

Cause you all ready paid us the cover charge
Already paid us the cover charge
Yeah you all ready paid us the cover charge
Already paid us the cover charge
5th place
  6.887

To the tune of "Walk on the Wild Side" - Lou Reed

Emma came from Orlando, F.L.A.
Mini van'd her way across the U.S.A.
Ate at Denny's on the way
Kissed her man and then hugged a tree
She says, 'Hey babe, take a ride on the mudslide'
He said, 'Hey honey, take a ride on the mudslide'

Sandy came from the Austin suburbs
In the dog park she was everybody's darlin'
But she never lost her cool
Even when she was thought a fool
She says, 'Hey you, forget the walk, take a joy ride'
He said, 'Hey babe, grow a mohawk, take a joy ride'

And the metro girls go
Doo do doo, doo do doo, doo do doo

Little Joe never once uttered a swear
He always felt he had to care
A nickle here and a quarter there
Tallahassee's the place where they said
'Hey you, take a walk on the mild side'
I said, 'Hey Joe, take a walk on the mild side'

Big Dumb Larry came to walk the streets
Lookin' for fast food and a place to eat
Went to the McDonalds, you should've seen 'em go go go
They said, 'Hey Larry, take a ride on the mudslide'
Alright, huh

Jackie is just smiling away
Thought she was the queen for a day
Then I guess she had to sleep
She never attracted a creep
She said, 'Hey you, take a ride on the mudslide'
I said, 'Hey Jackie take a ride on the mudslide'

And the metro girls say
Doo do doo, doo do doo, doo do doo
5th place
  6.887

To the tune of "Hey Jude" by the Beatles

Hey Doc, I'm feeling bad
Take my heartache, please make it better
Remember you can't fix my bleeding heart
But you can jump-start to make it better

Hey Doc, I'm so afraid
I'm made to drink lots of liquor
The minute I get it into my mouth
Everything becomes so much clearer

And anytime I feel the pain, hey Doc, champagne
Won't carry the world like heavy boulders
For well you know that I'm a fool who plays it cool
By giving the world my cold shoulders
Blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah, blah, blah blah

Hey Doc, don't let me down
You have found it, now fix my liver
Remember to stop my bleeding heart
Then you can keep me from being bitter

So take it out and put it in, hey Doc, begin
You're waiting for organ donors to die
So fill me full of prescription drugs, hey Doc, they'll do
The buzz that I need is on your script pad
Blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah, blah, blah blah, yeah

Hey Doc, I'm feeling sad
Take my dead soul and make it better
Remember the needle under my skin
Then you'll begin to make it
Better better better better better better, oh

Blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah, blah, blah blah,
Hey, Doc
Blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah, blah, blah blah,
Hey, Doc
Blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah, blah, blah blah,
Blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah, blah, blah blah,
Hey, Doc (fade out)
7th place
  6.73

I know you, I saw you while eating your ice cream
I know you, the smudge on your nose is of whipped cream
Yet I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll lick your fingers, when you finish your ice cream

But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love it at once
The way you did when licking ice cream

I know you, I saw you while eating your ice cream
I know you, the smudge on your nose is of whipped cream
And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll lick your fingers, when you finish your ice cream

H.G. Wells (The Time Machine)
To the tune of Jingle bells

Going through space-time,
Viewing what’s to come.
Up and up we climb,
Beyond the vast Spectrum.

The future that I see,
Is fearsome to us all.
How frightening are the creatures,
That take them at nightfall.

Our farewells, H.G. Wells'.
The Time Machine movie;
The story has us under spells.
Morlocks will not set them free.

Our farewells, H.G. Wells’.
The Time Machine movie;
The story has us under spells.
Morlocks won’t set them free.

A day or two ago,
I thought I’d see what’s next.
My poor fiancé died.
I really was perplexed.

I tried to bring her back,
Bountiful a time.
All my days were filled with black
The depths I could not climb.
So….

Our farewells, H.G. Wells'
The Time Machine movie;
The story has us under spells
Morlocks will not set them free.

Our farewells H.G. Wells’
The Time Machine movie;
The story has us under spells.
Morlocks won’t set them free.
9th place
  6.408

Take away your cooking and go
You can't take back what you gave, I know
I've had it all before, Staph a million times
I'm not one to drop, you know

I have no reprieve, no release
You gave to me, gave it to me
Too hard to keep
I'm on the john right now

I'm so sick from that same old grub, that barnacle, it tears me up
I'm so sick from that same old grub, my body's had enough
Oh-oh-oh that same old grub
oh-oh-oh that same old grub
I'm so sick from that same old grub, feels like I'm blowin' apart
I'm so sick from that same old grub, the kind that breaks a fart
Oh-oh-oh that same old grub
Oh-oh-oh that same old grub

I'm calling in, wasting time cause of you
my boss, he's heard it all before
he's gonna try to change my mind
but I won't be changin' cause, of you

I have no reprieve, no release
You gave to me, gave it to me
Too hard to keep, I'm on the john
right now, ow

I'm so sick from that same old grub, that barnacle, it tears me up
I'm so sick from that same old grub, my body's had enough
Oh-oh-oh that same old grub
oh-oh-oh that same old grub
I'm so sick from that same old grub, feels like I'm blowin' apart
I'm so sick from that same old grub, the kind that breaks a fart
Oh-oh-oh that same old grub
Oh-oh-oh that same old grub

I'm so sick from that, sick from that grub
I'm so sick from that, sick from that grub
I'm so sick from that, sick from that grub
I'm so sick from that, sick from that grub

I'm so sick from that same old grub, that barnacle, it tears me up
I'm so sick from that same old grub, my body's had enough
Oh-oh-oh that same old grub
oh-oh-oh that same old grub
I'm so sick from that same old grub, feels like I'm blowin' apart
I'm so sick from that same old grub, the kind that breaks a fart
Oh-oh-oh that same old grub
Oh-oh-oh that same old grub