The Next Lyrics
13
 Apr 22, 2016
Rules


The Challenge: Change the words of a popular song.

Have you ever been listening to a song on the radio, or perhaps the theme music to a TV show, when inspiration suddenly hit you, and you started belting out new lyrics to the tune? Well now we'd like to hear your ear-splitting, er, side-splitting song.

For this contest you are to come up with new lyrics for a popular or well-known song. You may make it humorous or a satire, such as "Weird Al" Yankovic might do. Or you may choose to give it a new theme or change its genre, such as turning a romantic ballad into a sci-fi piece.

Don't change just one or two words, then call it new. Also, don't come up with just a single line or two. We expect you to compose at least a complete stanza of new lyrics. It's up to you if you want to also come up with a new refrain, or even multiple stanzas.

We're not looking for you to write the music, or even re-write the old melody. Please leave the tune same so we can imagine it as we read your words. However, please let us know the name of the song you are re-creating; either in the title of your entry or in the author's notes.
(If you really can't remember the name of the song, or if there isn't one, we'll let this point slide.)

Since this contest will require more effort than just dashing off a one-line joke we'll award an Intermediate Trophy to the winner. (Oo-oh! Something new for the trophy shelf!)



Contest Rules
* Entry Fee: Free
* Prize: Intermediate Trophy
* Level: Intermediate
* Word Limits: At least one full stanza.
* Submit period: 8 days
* Voting period: 2 days
* All regular Writing Deck Rules apply.
* Any entry not meeting Writing Deck standards will be DQ-ed, so compose and proofread carefully.
* Multiple entries are allowed in this contest.

Thanks to Underdog for the idea.
Thanks to philcheese for supplying our themepost!

Good luck.

...
1st place
  7.833

We come on the Dagger B
My Mac mini and me
Around that Worth city we did roam
Choppin' all night
Shoeboxing's my plight
Well I feel so bokeh
I wanna go down

So hoist up the Dag B's sails
See how the main page fails
Call for the Devil once more
I’d rather just drown
Let me go down
Just gimme some bling, yeah yeah
Well I feel so bokeh
I wanna to go down

Well Squiddles he got drunk
And climbed into Sarges's bunk
Morporkian had to come and boof 'em all day
Pirate Boof Head
Why don't you leave Scrib's bed, yeah yeah
Well I feel so bokeh, I wish I was dead

So hoist up the Dag B's sails
See how the main page fails
Call for the Devil once more
And just let me drown
Please let me drown
I wanna go down
Let me go down
Why don't you let me just drown
(Hoist up the Dag B's sails)
Hoist up the Dag B
I feel so bokeh
I wanna go drown
Let me go drown

Namestolen he shot Bajazet
And blew away Shorra’s pet
BSA cranked his plank when the rum was done
Just let me drown
Why don't they let me just drown
Still not the worst ship I've ever been on

So hoist up the Dag B's sails
See how the main page fails
Call for the Devil once more
I’d rather drown
Please let me drown
I wanna go down
Let me go down
2nd place
  7.5

Sittin' here at Dagger Bay
Gonna be here when the voting starts
Watchin' my scores roll in
Then I'll watch'em slip away again, yeah

I'm just sittin' here on Dagger Bay
Watchin' my scores slip away, ooh
I'm just sittin' here at Dagger Bay
Wastin' time.

I left my home in Worthville
Headed for the Dagger Bay
But I've got nothing to score with
Looks like its always gonna be that way

So, I'll just be starin' at the leaderboard
Watchin' my score slip away, ooh
Just sittin' here at Dagger Bay
Wastin' time

Looks like I won't win a thing
One entry scored a minus 10
I just cant score a 7 like I want to
So i guess I"ll remain insane

The only one with no bling
And this blingless-ness wont leave me alone
One thousand doubloons I've blown
Just to make this bay my home, now

I'm just a sittin' here at the Dagger Bay
Watchin' my scores slip away, ooh
Sittin' here the joke of the bay
Wastin' time.

(Whistling.........)

(To the tune of 'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds')

Loosely Liquify Horizons

Fancy yourself in a Bay with a printer,
You Photoshop bees, and saturate skies.
Your wife, she calls you, you answered too slowly,
The woman with daggers for eyes.

Tell her an hour and then you'll be done,
Soon you will come to your bed.
Look for your wife's brand new gun
And then hide in the john.

Loosely liquify horizons...
Magnify the eyes of some sirens...
Falsely place two guys in the islands...

Ah... Ah...

Wallow around with a man of the mountain,
Who outsourced his eagle, to-the 4th of July.
Somebody files past
And drifts through the mushrooms,
They grew so tall, up to the sky.

Wallpaper save screens inspire to the core,
Urges you back to 'The Bay'.
Sign in again; post your entry to clowns,
And your done!

Loosely liquify horizons...
Magnify the eyes of some sirens...
Falsely place two guys in the islands...

Ahh...

Picture an elves' off the chain
Celebration,
While plastic queens order
Their fifth sea bass pie.

Next match is freestyle,
The challenge, a sundial,
You render it with liquify.

Loosely liquify horizons...
Magnify the eyes of some sirens...
Falsely place two guys in the islands...

Ohhh... Oh



.-.

He looked down into his brown bag
And said, “Stay right there for me.”
He reached into the cooler
And brought out the soft cream cheese.

He could hear the toaster humming
And thought, “These are browned just right.
If I bite while they're still steaming,
I'll be filled with such delight.”


There were seven spinach bagels
At the deli-catessen.
They were laying amongst the others,
On a tray of sticky buns.

When the rush stopped and the crowd cleared,
They were left there all alone.
So he told the clerk to bag them,
And he took the bagels home.


He kept toasting and kept spreading,
Eating fast as he could go.
They were crunchy and were oily,
With a sweet and chewy dough.

Then he knew the bag was empty
And said, “What a happy plight.”
For he was full and drowsy,
And couldn't eat another bite.


.

People try to put me d-down (Talkin' 'bout my malnutrition)
Just because I'm n-not round (Talkin' 'bout my malnutrition)
Thin as an Ethiopian r-r-rat (Talkin' 'bout my malnutrition)
Yeah, I hope I die before I get fat (Talkin' 'bout my malnutrition)

This is my malnutrition
This is my malnutriion, baby

They think I'll just f-ade away (Talkin' 'bout my malnutrition)
And who are they to c-care what I w-weigh (Talkin' 'bout my malnutrition)
They just w-want my b-big affliction (Talkin' 'bout my malnutrition)
I'm just talkin' 'bout my m-m-malnutrition (Talkin' 'bout my malnutrition)

This is my malnutrition
This is my malnutriion, baby
5th place
  6.857

The Rescue
To the tune of Father And Son by Cat Stevens

Such a crime, contracted mange,
Must earwax make me queasy?
And his tongue,
It won't halt,
And it smells like buffalo.

Gonna hurl,
Watch me frown,
To the vet I have to carry,
Look a flea,
But all told,
This is crappy.

There's so much hair on a chow,
And his breath is kinda wheezy.
Get a balm,
For the pound's not where you belong.

In spite of grime,
And the rot,
'Cause of all the love you've brought,
For you will always be my rainbow
In spite of your snot.

And when I look at your pain,
Then it only drives me so insane.
And who is it to blame,
You're so gory?

When you want to take a walk,
You will never find me missing, now,
You're a stray,
Let it go,
'Cause I want you here to stay
You know, I want you so.

---Instrumental---

You might think of this as strange,
When you used to feel so lowly,
Your heart stung, an assault,
Now you have someone to cling to.

You're a pearl, in a crown.
Here's a bone, you can bury.
Here's my plea, please take hold, and be happy.

All these rhymes, I've applied,
You know you'll never be cast aside.
You're scarred, you're a martyr don't you know it?

You fought the fight, wasn't me,
You're a gem who's been set free.
You were a stray,
Don't you know,
You will never go away...
You know, you'll never go.
5th place
  6.857

Some people think a student's made outta cash
But with tuition fees it's gone in a flash.
Beggin' and pleadin' the banks and schools
Ignoring interest rates like a group of fools.

You take sixteen credits, what do ya get?
Another day older and deeper in debt.
I'll never retire, no I can't go
I owe my soul to the student loans.

I wake each mornin' just hopin' to pass
I pick up my books and I walk into class
I load up sixteen credits twice a year,
The banker shakes my hand without hidin' his sneer

You take sixteen credits, what do ya get?
Another day older and deeper in debt.
I'll never retire, no I can't go
I owe my soul to the student loans.

I wake each mornin' in my old dorm room
Certain that one day it'll be my tomb
The professor just glares at me when I take my seat
Hopin' I'll stop comin' and take an incomplete.

You take sixteen credits, what do ya get?
Another day older and deeper in debt.
I'll never retire, no I can't go
I owe my soul to the student loans.

When I get my degree, better step aside
This interest here is capitalized.
One loan forborne, the other deferred
The collection agent comes
He don't say a word.

You take sixteen credits, what do ya get?
Another day older and deeper in debt.
I'll never retire, no I can't go
I owe my soul to the student loans.
6th place
  6.714

These Dreams... by Heart

These Memes

Make fun of some scandals,
Of celebrities.
1st world has its problems,
Broken water skis.
The twins, the Olsens,
Grew up way too fast.
As they lampoon a hangover,
These memes on my list.

Kitten on a ledge,
Making a demand.
I can waste some time,
I really had no plans.
I lolz sincerely,
A kid pumps his fist.
A cat loves cheezburgers,
Are the memes on my list.

These memes make me laugh when a baby cries,
And when Kirk and Piccard fight, I giggle at their strife.
These memes when they're out you cannot hide,
Your privacy they take, your unexpected fame.

Here's one of Mick Jagger,
And Lauren Bacall.
An eighties mullet cut,
Some shoppers at a mall.

Messages show insight,
Make me feel so hip.
Clever is the platform,
Like timeless comic strips.

These memes make me laugh when a baby cries,
And when Kirk and Piccard fight, I giggle at their strife.
These memes when they're out you cannot hide,
Your privacy they take, your unexpected fame.
7th place
  6.667

She's such a fat blob it's a pity
Scarfin' lots of food all the night and day
And if she ever missed a meal while sleeping
She would make it up the very next day

Big meal keep on burnin'
Fat Mary keep on yearnin'
Rollin', rollin', rollin' up a reefer

Cleaned a lot of plates in Dallas
Swilled a lot of fries down in New Orleans
But she never saw the bad side of a burger
Till she blew her heart at the Dairy Queen

Big meal keep on burnin'
Fat Mary keep on yearnin'
Rollin', rollin', rollin' up a reefer

Rollin', rollin', rollin' up a reefer

Mary has fat on her liver
Bet she found some fine doctors who’d lie
She don't have to worry 'cause she ate those doughnuts
Mary’s on the reefer and happy to die

Big meal keep on burnin'
Fat Mary keep on yearnin'
Rollin', rollin', rollin' up a reefer
7th place
  6.667

Out here on the bay
I fight for my say
I get my back into my painting
I don't need to blur
To prove I concur
I don't need to be over sharpend

Don't cry
Don't raise your eye
It's only pixel wasteland

Pixel wasteland
It's only pixel wasteland
Pixel wasteland
Oh, oh
Pixel wasteland
They're all wasted!




https://youtu.be/x2KRpRMSu4g
8th place
  6.167

Some-where out be-yond the blue, dee-doo-doo-dee-doo-doo,
A space girl is waiting for you, dee-doo-doo-dee-doo-doo.

She might be green and living on Mar-rs,
Or may-be pink and past all the star-rrs.

You could get lucky today, dee-doo-doo-dee-doo-doo,
These space girls will go all the way, dee-doo-doo-dee-doo-doo.

Those babes are all just dying to meet you,
Then after-wards they will try to eat you.

Join us on this sexy trip, dee-doo-doo-dee-doo-doo,
We have a brand new fancy ship, dee-doo-doo-dee-doo-doo.

This chance won't come again-ain your way,
So come now, and fly away!
8th place
  6.167

I, I will be adam
And you, you be my eve
Though nothing, will drive them away
As much as I’d like, just for one day
We can be zeros, just for one day

you, you can push pixels
And I, I'll paint the sky red
'Cause we're lovers, this is our time
Yes, we're lovers, and that is that

Though nothing, will keep us in madness
We could steal hearts, forever and ever
We can be zeros, just for one day
What'd you say?

I, I wish I could draw
Like Picasso, Picasso can draw
Though nothing, nothing will keep them calling
We can beat them, forever and ever
Oh, we can be zeros, just for one day

I, I will be adam
And you, you be my eve
Though nothing will drive them away
As much as I’d like, just for one day
We can be us, forever and ever

I, I can remember (I remember)
panting, in the hall (in the hall)
And the guns, shot through our hearts (through our hearts)
And we kissed, as though nothing can fail (nothing can fail)
And the shame, was on the other side
Oh, we will beat them, forever and ever
Then we could be zeros, just for one day

We can be zeros
We can be zeros
We can be zeros
Just for one day
We can be zeros

We're on top, and nothing will stop us
Maybe its fleeting, then you better not say
But we will be winners, forever and ever
Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, forever and ever




https://youtu.be/Tgcc5V9Hu3g

CHORUS:
Oh-h-h-h, ...
My Baby's got a big butt, my Baby's got a big butt,
My Baby's got a big butt, today.
She can't make it up the stairs,
When she sits down she needs three chairs.
Oh, my Baby's got a big butt, today.

She comes in through the garage doors,
All downstairs is reinforced floors.
My Baby's got a big butt, today.
She can't ride a normal car,
So I got a truck with a lifting bar.
Oh, my Baby's got a big butt, today.

She wears a canvas from a barge,
'Cause they don't make a dress that large.
Oh, my Baby's got a big butt, today.
Good thing I'm a wealthy gent,
She eats more than an elephant.
Oh, my Baby's got a big butt, today.

(Chorus)

She once was a skinny bride,
But now she's two axe handles wide.
My Baby's got a big butt, today.
She once ate a whole beef side,
When she took a dump the toilet died.
Oh, my Baby's got a big butt, today.

Her present size was unforeseen,
I met her as a beauty queen.
Oh, my Baby's got a big butt, today.
But even though she looks a fright,
She keeps me really warm at night.
Oh, my Baby's got a big butt, today.

(Chorus)