Gar(b)age Sale
 Apr 12, 2016

Well you finally got around to cleaning out the garage and even that messy closet you've been putting off doing for a year. Now you have a pile of junk to dispose of.

Most of it is only suitable for the dumpster. But there are a few items you might actually be able to get a few bucks for, if you can find someone who wants them. E-bay, Craig's List, and even the newspaper are full of advertisements for this kind of stuff. You just have to make it sound good.

Your challenge is to write an ad to scam convince someone to buy your piece of cr-, um, creative writing fodder.

Contest Rules
* Entry Fee: Free
* Prize: Trophy
* Level: Beginner
* Word Limit: < 100
* Submit period: 5 days
* Voting period: 2 days
* All regular Writing Deck Rules apply.
* Multiple entries are allowed in this contest.

Thanks to MsgtBob for supplying our themepost!
Good luck.

1st place

Save thousands on this slightly used casket. Gail's loss is your gain as we had to repossess this unit for nonpayment. Needs light retouching and cleaning. In the ground less than 45 days. Originally over $7500 now just $1800. Call Hollerbach's Funeral home for details. Evening calls preferred.

Sadly, due to failing health, I can no longer give the proper care to my beloved pet rocks.
Will not be sold separately. (I can't abide to separate them after all these years).
Looking for loving family to take all 7 of them. 3 sisters, 4 brothers - all housebroken.
They are healthy and shots are up to date.
They are very mannerly and quiet. You will never hear a peep out of any of them.
All 7 siblings play musical instruments. Have you're own in-house "rock" concert if you so desire.
Looking for $700 or best reasonable offer.
Cash only - no trades.

Tired of using those cheap plastic covers to protect your furniture? Here's the attractive, authentic vintage alternative! Handmade CROCHETED DOILIES from the Roaring Twenties that have stood the test of time. Oh yes! If these doilies could talk they would speak of a wonderful bygone era of good times and endless parties before the economic collapse of the '30s when fine linens became scarce. Thank goodness Grandma preserved these in her keepsakes pine chest. You can still smell the scent of pine on each and every doily. Buy one or buy all. Must see to appreciate.

One piece table/lamp with built in ashtray and cigarette holder. Bright acrylic finish recently added to protect maple wood top. Stain resistant and fire proof!
Vintage Sears Silvertone Hi-Fi Console Record Player unit with original tubes that will help cut your heating bill.
Mid-century footstool with lovely floral needlepoint covering the whole top. Features pretty pom-poms trim, fastened with metal tacks.
Nostalgic rotary dial, land line Princess telephones, (choose from radiant hot passion pink or dark mustard colors), introduced by the Bell System in 1959, includes original cords that occasionally need to be uncurled but still work.
Give me your best offer.
4th place

For sale: Vintage 32inch Color TV. Get all nostalgic sitting in the glow of this classic. This beauty wonderfully fills that hole in your old entertainment center. Awesome standard definition picture and includes a cable connector. As a bonus, I am throwing in a Dell Windows 95 computer with 14.4 modem and advanced Celeron processor plus a Magnavox portable CD player with a best of Connie Francis CD. $225 or best offer. It won't last long at this price

Need a reason to get off that couch and quit watching TV? Search no longer. The perfect solution is here today and costs less than a gym membership. You'll be able to do it in the fresh air of the outdoors. Teach your kids a new sport. Fun for old and young alike.
For sale: Croquet Set, (circa 1955). New old stuff - still in original box with 6 wooden balls and 6 lacquered wooden mallets; hand painted wooden stakes with bent wire wickets. Perfect for cookouts, picnics, parties and more. Get it while it lasts. First come, first serve.

Mid-century coffee maker! No expensive, chemical ridden coffee filters to replace. Durable stainless steel, glass construction type used for complex coffee brewing by continually cycling boiling water through coffee grounds using gravity. Nothing to plug in. Just put it on your stove or campfire. You will no longer have to wait for those pesky electric drip coffee makers to drip, drip, drip. This is your grandmother's coffee in all its glorious wonder. The taste you grew to love. Price negotiable but less than you would pay for Keurig.
6th place

Vintage 1970 Nehru Jacket in burnt orange. The single breasted 100% wool 8 button jacket includes banded collar, besom pocket, side pockets and no vents. These bad boys are making a come back, so be shagalicious baby at your next retro party. A steal for $550
7th place

Bring back the sights and sounds of your youth, gigantic 8 track tape collection for sale with many hard to find roadside bootlegs in the mix. Over 1000 tapes complete with "car cases". Too many titles to list but includes most 1970s country and rock titles.

Also includes over 500 VHS movies most in original box and 35 Atari 2600 gaming cartridges.

a steal at $800

Sick and tired of hearing your teens complain about about how bored they are? Want to get them off the couch and out into the fresh air? Complete lawn darts set, Deluxe Edition, barely used, tiny blood stain on one dart. $40 or BRO
8th place

Dozens of pre-owned hand-braided macrame plant hangers with colorful beads, river stones and leather fringe with tassels, made with the finest hand-dyed 100% organic cotton twine, linen, jute and hemp of the highest quality, 3-ply cords. Long strings of hand polished cowry shells and dream catcher planter attachments sold separately. Boho Chic changing the world, one plant hanger at a time. ~ Peace ~

Estate Sale. Husband recently passed away, all of his accumulations must go. Baseball card collection, includes players named Ruth, Aaron, and Cobb: $20. Apple-1 computer, comes with certificate signed by company of Jobs, Wozniak, and Wayne: $25. Antique book entitled, “The Raven”, minor damage from someone writing on inside cover, E. A. P-something: $5. Many other similar items. Sale at 701 Park Ave. Friday 8:00 am - noon.

Complete home dentistry kit for sale. Includes a curing light, composite, topical lidocaine, tungsten steel drill head, silicon polisher, stainless steel dentist mirror, and a DVD tutorial. You will save thousands in expensive dental services. New in box, never opened $700

Preppers take note, I have 730 day supply of survival food for a family or four. This is the special holiday package with freeze dried whole turkeys and cranberry sauce. They have past their expiration date but hey, this stuff lasts forever. You can also use it to attract rats for a fresh supply of red meat. Originally over $11,000 I will let it go for pennies on the dollar or trade for firearms.
9th place

Free to loving home - adopt our lovable facelicker. Good with dogs, cats and children. Housebroken, comes on command and walks without a leash. His bark is worse than his bite as they say. Due to age, he sleeps 18 hours a day making him perfect for a working family. All caught up on shots and freshly wormed. Answers to Grandpa

1972 Ford Gran Torino Country Squire Estate wagon with assimilated wood panels. They don't make them like this anymore. Holds 9 passengers plus cargo. Uses absolutely no gas or electricity, almost impossible to get it in an accident and you don't have to worry about the paint. Currently docked at my pier. Come tow it away for $500

For Sale: 1960s model desk top rotary phone. All metal components in a black Bakelite shell. Own your very own piece of Americana. This nostalgic antique from a by-gone era can be yours for the heavily discounted price of only $20. (No longer functional as a telephone. But you can use it as art.)
10th place

I am selling my 1985 Yugo GV, I am the original owner. It could use a tune up, tires and floorboards. Over the years this car has been as reliable and long lasting as a retiree's erection and about as pretty to boot. Classic 80s iron curtain styling at a super low price and that will get you to work most sunny days for just $1000
11th place

Disco Pants, $30. Mens bell-bottom slacks, size 32. Purple & Orange stripes, with white accents. Comes with matching rhinestone belt. Add matching purple platform shoes, with sequins, size 11, for just $10 more. Answer Ad #A1976.

Mystery Date Board Game, 1965 edition. Does this make me look fat? Who would ask you out? I wonder if he's rich. Relive the anxiety of your high school years with this blast from the past. Yours for only $30. Call KL5-1200.
13th place

Ex husband's bright red Ferrari. I am sick of seeing it in my garage. Bill of sale only, will need new title. $250 firm
13th place

Never search for that pesky CD again. For sale: one case containing 1,728 AOL "Get connected" CDs. At this price you can afford to put one in every draw in your house. Give them to friends or sell them on Ebay. Each CD offers 45 days for free so you will have well over 200 years of free internet. A bargain at less than a dime apiece. $150 - please no calls after 9pm
14th place

1/2 bag of charcoal briquettes, with hickory flavor. Only $3.00. (I have a gas grill now). Oh, 1/4 can of lighter fluid included free. Also have 20 lbs of T-bone steaks, only thawed out once; $40. Stop by Lot #3, Cozy Cove Trailer Park.