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The Supreme Being looked at the creature it created, and it was good. Well evil actually but since that is what he intended it was good. Satan cocked his head and looked at The Supreme Being.

“So, what’s up O bearded one?”

“Ah, you are surly and disobedient! Splendid, just what I was trying for.”

“Well great, so why am I here?”

“Why to oppose me of course! Creation would be boring without loyal opposition!”

“Loyal?”

“Merely a turn of phrase, you need to be utterly disloyal and insolent!”

“Gotcha, so what’s next?”

“Next up is an object for us to fight over. Let’s see… got it.”

And The Supreme Being created man, and it was good.

“It’s nose is a little big,” Satan said looking Adam over.

“I created him in my own image!” The Supreme Being roared.

“Its nose is gigantic,” Satan corrected.

“Bah!” The Supreme Being grunted and sent Satan scurrying to Hell with a wave of his hand, “Well Adam, how does it feel to be alive?”

“A bit confusing actually,” Adam replied.

“No need to be confused, just do what your creator tells you,” The Supreme Being said.

“That would be you correct?” Adam asked looking at The Supreme Being.

“Of course my child, Everything I have created in this lovely garden is yours, but there is one thing you must never do…”

“What’s that sir?”

“That tree over there, the Tree of Knowledge, you must never eat of its fruit, that is your first commandment from me!”

Adam walked over to the tree, “Not particularly appealing is it?”

“Pardon?” The Supreme Being asked.

“Well I can’t say I would fancy eating that fruit anyway. Look there’s a worm in it!”

“Hmmm,” said The Supreme Being looking at the offending creature. “Well he is already a worm, so there’s not much I can do in the way of punishment. “

“You could always make a lawyer out of him,” Satan said, popping in for a second before The Supreme Being Banished him again.

“Who was that,” asked Adam, wrinkling up his nose at the smell of sulfur.

“That was a very evil creature who you should never listen to,” The Supreme Being said.

“Evil?” asked Adam.

“Yes, good and evil, two polar opposites,” The Supreme Being thundered. “Listening to me is good. Listening to him is evil!”

Adam scratched his head, “I’m not sure I understand.”

“You would if you ate the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, it would let you instantly tell good from evil.”

“But you told me not to do that,” Adam pointed out.

“That’s right, it would be disobeying me, and that’s evil.”

“So the only way I can tell good from evil is by doing something evil. Am I missing anything?” Adam asked.

“No but you will be missing a rib shortly,” The Supreme Being said, putting Adam in a deep trance.

While Adam slept, The Supreme Being removed one of his ribs and created women. Well one of them anyway. Then he awoke both Adam and Eve.

“Behold, your wife!” The Supreme Being announced.

“He seems a bit deformed,” Adam said, looking Eve over.

“She,” The Supreme Being corrected. “What do you mean? She must be perfect, I only create perfect creatures.”

“Well she is missing some parts down there, and she seems to be misshapen up here,” Adam said pointing. “And furthermore, I’m not in your image anymore, I seem to be missing a rib.”

“Um, yeah. Eve, you explain it to him,” The Supreme Being said, deciding it was a good time to tend to other items in his creation.

“So…?” Adam asked Eve.

“I’m your wife,” explained Eve.

“Yes, I know, the Supreme Being said that. So does wife mean ‘deformed’?” Adam asked.

“No, but you’re my husband, and that is soon going to mean ‘battered’ if you keep it up,” Eve replied.

Well Adam didn’t know if he liked the sounds of that, he was still smarting from the removal of a rib, so he decided to change the subject. “Hey, let’s name all the animals!” he said excitedly, “Look, over there, that’s a whatchamacallit!”

Eve groaned. It was going to be a long eternity. She eventually wandered off as Adam was naming a giraffe“Whatchamacallit MMCXII”

She had gone a good distance when she came across an animal she had never seen before. It scampered across the ground, climbed a tree trunk and looked at her.

“So what might you be?” she asked.

“Depends, Adam called me Whatchamacallit CLIIV, but The Supreme Being calls me ‘The Serpent’”

“That works for me Serpent, so what brings you here?” asked Eve.

“I’m the marketing department for Eden, have you tried one of these apples yet? They’re delicious!”

Eve looked at the tree. “Um, Serpent, that looks remarkably like the Tree of Knowledge and we aren’t supposed to eat the Apples from it.”

“Now, now, I don’t recall God actually telling YOU that. He told Adam that.”

“I pretty much gathered that by extension that meant me too, particularly since I was formed from Adam.”

“Well, now, if you eat this you’ll know for sure and will not have to guess anymore!”

“I’m not sure that helps me if it gets me on The Supreme Being’s naughty list. I also can’t see where knowing ‘good’ from ‘evil’ buys me much.”

“Well it can keep you from being duped by somebody or something trying to make you do evil,” suggested the serpent.

“Well I can’t argue with logic like that,” Eve said, taking the apple and checking it for worms. “By the way, you wouldn’t be related to that ‘Satan’ character would you?”

“Me? No! Whatever would give you that idea?” the Serpent asked.

“Yo, serpent, you gotten that dumb dame to bite into that apple yet?” Satan said, popping in.

“Great timing boss,” the Serpent replied.

“Doesn’t matter, I figured it out anyway,” Eve said taking a bite of the apple.

“So how does it feel to know good from evil?” Satan asked.

“Not much different to tell you the truth,” Eve said, still munching. “Everything is still pretty murky, morality wise.”

She looked down. “Hmmm… gotta find me some fig leaves” she said, and started exploring the garden.

“Here we go,” she said, sporting three of them to cover the appropriate areas.

“OK, now we have to get Adam to eat one,” the Serpent said.

“Shouldn’t be difficult, they’re not half bad, if you can find one without worms anyway,” Eve said as she picked one to give to Adam.

He was where she left him, still naming animals, and had just gotten to the rhinoceros, or “Whatchamacallit MMMMDCCCLVII” as Adam christened him.

“You must be hungry after all that work honey, eat this!” Eve said, handing Adam the apple.

“No thanks, I rather not,” said Adam.

“Don’t you want to be like the Supreme Being, knowing good from evil?” the Serpent asked.

“Not particularly,” replied Adam. “Besides, I don’t fancy apples.”

“Darling, just take a small bite, for me,” Eve said, batting her eyes at him.

“I just don’t like…say, why are you wearing those leaves?” Adam asked.

“Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me, here’s one for your… oh just put it on,” replied Eve.

Adam didn’t particularly know why he was supposed to do that, but it beat having to eat an apple so he took the extra-long fig leaf from Eve and placed it where she indicated. At which point the sky rumbled open.

“WHY ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME?” The Supreme Being’s voice thundered.

“We’re not hiding, we’re right here,” Adam replied, not noticing Eve and the Serpent had taken a powder.

The Supreme Being looked down at him. “Why are you wearing that fig leaf?”

“I haven’t the foggiest sir; Eve gave it to me and requested I put it on.”

“And where is Eve?” The Supreme Being demanded.

“I don’t know, she was just here a moment ago, and Whatchamacallit CLIIV was with her,” Adam said looking around. “Oh there they are,” Adam said, pointing to a tree Eve and the Serpent were hiding behind.

The Supreme Being glared at them. “Eve, did you partake of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge?”

“Yep Daddio, the Serpent here talked me into it,” Eve replied.

“She didn’t take much persuading,” the Serpent muttered.

“And Adam, did you partake of the fruit also?” The Supreme Being demanded.

“No sir, still have it right here,” Adam replied, offering the Supreme Being the Apple.

“Well then, you all must be punish… wait a minute, what did you say?” the Supreme Being asked, suddenly puzzled.

“I didn’t eat the apple sir, here it is right here.”

The Supreme Being glared at Adam. “And why not? Were you being faithful to me?”

Adam shrugged. “I don’t fancy apples, and I didn’t see any reason to eat it.”

It was then The Supreme Being invented swearing, and said a very bad word, and it was good.

At least Eve and the Serpent knew it was bad. Adam of course was clueless.

“Satan, get your worthless tail up here!” the Supreme Being roared.

“You rang O bearded one?” Satan mocked as he appeared.

“You were given one job…” the Supreme Being started glaring at him.

“And I did it. I got the Serpent to persuade Eve to eat the apple. According to the script, she was supposed to talk Adam into it,” Satan pointed out.

“And you?” the Supreme Being said, turning to Eve.

“I partook of the apple the way I was supposed to. Can’t help Adam didn’t follow the script.”

The Supreme Being invented the Face Palm. He took a moment to compose himself. “Well let’s sort out the things that went right anyway. Serpent, you are destined to wriggle through the dust for the rest of eternity,” and the Supreme Being did remove the arms and legs from the Serpent.

“Ouch,” said Eve.

“That’s nothing sister, you should see what he did to the worm,” replied the Serpent.

“As for you,” the Supreme Being said to Eve.

“Uh-Oh,” thought Eve.

“You will have the pain of childbirth,” declared the Supreme Being.

“Why you $#^@!!” Eve said, lunging towards the Supreme Being, Satan and Adam reacting quickly to restrain her.

“Now for you Adam,” the Supreme Being started.

Satan snickered. “Now for the ad-libbing…”

“You didn’t eat the apple, but it wasn’t out of loyalty, you just didn’t do it. I can neither reward nor punish you. You are hereby banished from Eden, and must follow your wife. You will have a family with her, but she, and all her progeny, will age and perish in their time.”

With that the Supreme Being banished Adam and Eve from the Garden, Whatchamacallit CLIIV following.

Satan turned to the Supreme Being. “So he is going to live forever then?”

“He didn’t disobey me, I can’t punish him.”

“He also doesn’t know right from wrong,” Satan observed. “And he’ll never know it through all eternity.”

“I know. I think I am going to create aspirin. I feel an eternal headache coming on,” the Supreme Being said.

Satan snickered, and was immediately banished once again to Hell.

The Supreme Being just shook his head. It was going to be a long eternity, he could already tell.
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